Experimentation

For most of my life, I have only ever done things I was sure I'd be good at. It wasn't that I expected to never have to work hard or practice. But, I would always have to have some form of baseline talent for whatever I was doing. Most of the time, these things were some form of sport or physical endeavor. I was never the best at anything, but I was pretty good at most things, except basketball for some reason, I've always been terrible at basketball.

Baseball was one of my favorite sports growing up, and over the years, I ended up playing every position on the field. I was never the best at any of them, but I was consistently in the top 80% of any position I played. The point is, I never really sucked at anything; except, of course, basketball. And I was never terrible at anything because I avoided the things I "knew" I wasn't any good at.

At some point, early on in my childhood, I decided that because I was athletic, I was not good at creative things. Looking back, I see two main reasons for this categorization. The first was society. Most of the characters I remember seeing growing up fell into one to three categories: athlete, intellectual, and artist. With very few exceptions, there was no overlap. The second reason was my personal observations of other kids. Again there were few crossovers between the three categories, most notably with other boys.

Growing up, I was always interested in other pursuits. I wanted to be able to draw, and when I was very young, I would draw frequently. But as I grew older, it became clear that I did not have the natural talent for drawing that others had, so I ended up giving it up. The same thing happened with learning to play the guitar. I did not seem to possess the natural musical inclination that others my age did, so I also gave up on that. In my mind, as a child, I didn't see the point in spending hours and hours rigorously practicing and repeatedly failing when I could just go outside and play street hockey with my friend, something I was naturally good at.

For the majority of my adolescent and young adult life, I just settled on the idea that I wasn't a creative person. That all changed when I had my first child. Just prior to my son's birth, I decided that I would get an old, used, entry-level DSLR. Photography was another one of those creative pursuits that had always piqued my interest, but since I had convinced myself that I wasn't creative, I never wanted to spend the money on a "nice camera." In the few months leading up to the birth of my son, I began taking my camera everywhere. All the hikes and outdoor adventures I was taking became photography trips. I became obsessed with learning as much as possible about the art form. Photography became the gateway to discovering the hidden side of myself that I had written off in my youth.

Then in January of 2020, I decided to start keeping a journal. This, again, was something that had always interested me. A journal was an essential part of every explorer and adventurer's life. I was enticed by the idea of keeping a sort of captain's log or a diary like Indiana Jones had, filled with notes and sketches. But every time I considered the idea, I made excuse after excuse not to do it. I told myself, I didn't know what to write about, my handwriting was terrible, what style should I write in, etc. At some point, I watched a youtube video where the speaker said that the point of keeping a journal is just to write. It doesn't matter what you write about, what it looks like, or even if you ever read it. The point is just to write. That was the push I needed, and on January 10th, 2020, I made my first journal entry. As my journaling practice evolved, I started using a fountain pen and writing in cursive, something I hadn't even thought about since grade school.

Over the last few years, I have continued to learn and grow on my journey of creativity. The biggest hurdle I have to overcome, and something that I still struggle with, is allowing myself to be terrible at whatever I'm learning initially. It's a journey that I have been thoroughly enjoying and one which I hope to continue for the rest of my life. It all starts with a bit of experimentation.